What is the difference between sex and gender?

As the saying goes, “sex is between your legs while gender is between your ears”.

Sex is what a person is assigned at birth based on what’s between their legs- male or female and occasionally intersex, where a person is born with either both or neither genitals for the sexes. Gender is what a person feels that they are. It’s their “brain sex”. According to the American Psychological Association, “gender refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviors, activities, and attributes that a given society considers appropriate for boys and men or girls and women.” [Source]

Gender has an impact on everything that people do, how they act, what their interests are, and how they feel about themselves. While some of these match up with the sex of a person whether they are transgender or not, sometimes they don’t. If enough of these do not match up with the birth sex, the person may be transgender. However, like it was mentioned earlier, they may not necessarily identify as such.

What Does Transgender Mean Anyway?

You may think that “transgender” is just one identity, just meaning that the person was born in the wrong body and will be getting a sex change, or has gotten a sex change. That is actually what “transsexual” means. “Transgender” is actually the umbrella term, encompassing everyone who does not fit into the societal gender “norms”. Their gender identity, expression, or behavior does not match up with the identity, expression or behaviors typically associated with that person’s assigned birth sex. Granted, “transgender”, or “trans”, as it is typically shortened to, is usually a good term to use, however not everyone who differs from the gender “norms” will identify as transgender. Some people just like to express themselves in a way that would appear that they are different. This behavior can be noticed in everyone at times, but a lot of the time can be noticed in effeminate men and butch women.  They may just wish to dress this way; they may not be transgender.

Some identities that are under this transgender umbrella are as follows, although these people may not identify as transgender themselves.

-          Agender

-          Androgyn

-          Bigender

-          Boi

-          Butch woman

-          Drag king

-          Drag queen

-          Effeminate man

-          FAAB (female assigned at birth)

-          Female gay man

-          FtA

-          FtM / trans man

-          Gender non-conforming

-          Gender-bender

-          Gender-fluid

-          Genderqueer

-          Gurl

-          Intersexed

-          MAAB (male assigned at birth)

-          Male lesbian

-          MtA

-          MtF / trans woman

-          Pangender

-          Queer

-          Third gender

-          Transfeminine

-          Transmasculine

-          Transsexual

-          Tri-gendered

-          Two-spirit

And so many more.

If you identify with any of these terms you could be transgender. Or you could be trans and not identify with any of these terms. Whatever you want to do, I do not advocate pushing labels on yourself or anyone.

Breaking Transgender Stereotypes

As with any group of people, we have our stereotypes. Some of us follow them, some don't, just like any other group of people. Here is a list of some stereotypes or myths about transgender people and how to address them if someone confronts you about them.

-          Transgender people are all caricatures of men or women

o   This is probably a stereotype or a myth because of what “The Straights” (non-queers) see. They see drag queens and drag kings and assume that those performers (yes, simply performers) are transgender, when in reality all they’re doing is performing and putting on a show. Transgender people are not actually caricatures of men or women. We are men or women or androgyns or what have you. Sure, some of us do go a bit overboard with our identities, but that’s who they are. Not all of us are like that.

-          All transgender people are prostitutes

o   This has to do with the transwoman who was on the Jerry Springer show, she happened to be a prostitute, therefore people believe now that all transgender people are prostitutes. And while some of us may work in the sex industry, not all of us do.

-          Transgender people are all assumed to be straight

o   There can be transgender people who identify as gay or bisexual or pansexual or asexual and everything like that. Some may still be holding on to that identity, such as some transguys who still call themselves lesbians, they’re just male lesbians. Some transmen may be gay and prefer to date men. Okay that’s all, they’re gay. No big deal. And some transwomen prefer to date women. They’re lesbians. But just as everyone in society is “straight until proven gay”, transgender people are included in that assumption.

-          We all have a fetish or our transgenderism is rooted in fetishism

o   There is such a thing as transvestic fetishism. That’s where someone gets pleasure from dressing and acting like the opposite sex, just for having sex. However, people who have transvestic fetishism do not usually go out in public dressed this way. Seeing as we do go out in public dressed like this, it’s not a fetish.

-          All transgirls are out to “deceive straight men and turn them gay”

o   This phrase has been said to me in person and I wanted to punch the guy who said it. Not going to lie. But in what universe does a man sleeping with a woman turn him gay? Oh wait that may have happened, but he would have been gay in the first place, just closeted. However, these women are actually women. Therefore if a man sleeps with them, it’s a heterosexual relationship. They’re not out to deceive anyone. They’re out to be accepted as a woman.

-          All transgender people are crazy or insane

o   Sure, some of us may have our psychological issues. However, we’re not all crazy. We are normal human beings, who just so happen to have this birth defect where our bodies didn’t know which way to grow.

-          All of us have THE surgery

o   This is a personal decision. While many transgender people do, many also do not. It’s all a personal decision and people shouldn’t ask what is or will be between our legs.

-          All cross-dressers are gay

o   Most cross-dressers are actually straight. I know, blows your mind, doesn’t it? Yeah. Cross dressing is only wearing clothes of the opposite gender. And it so happens that most cross-dressers are straight. Personally, I did not know this before researching this topic, but I guess you learn something new every day.

-          All transmen are uber masculine while transwomen are ultra feminine.

o   First of all, I hate the terms “masculine” and “feminine”. It implies that men (mas) are supposed to be that specific way, while women (fem) are supposed to be that way. So I use butch and effeminate. Moving on. Some transmen can be effeminate while transwomen can be more butch. Not everyone has to fit into the gender molds, and I hate it when people, especially hate it when transgender people, accuse someone of not being “trans-enough” because they do not fit in with the gender norms or fit in with a binary gender. People can be whatever they want and no one can stop them. And people who are also transgender shouldn’t try to pin us against each other by accusing anyone of not being trans-enough.

If you, personally, break any of these stereotypes, be out and proud about it! Let’s show the Straights that we’re not all prostitutes and caricatures and straight. No more hiding allowed, okay?

<3 Emerson

Dear everyone...

I know, being transgender sucks. But I feel like we were set on this path by whoever or whatever you do or don't believe in for a reason and that reason will be shown in the near future. I feel like my reason is to help people, raise awareness, and become an activist. Remember that you're living this life for a reason and yes, there are some hard times, but of course, you. will. get. through. them. And all you have to do is keep that in mind.

All my transgender brothers, sisters, brosters, and everyone else, keep hope, and never forget that if we all stick together, we can make it through anything. 

Love, Emerson. <3 

Coming out Transgender to Your Teachers

Some of you may have a hard time coming up with what to say in your email to the teachers when you come out in high school. Here’s what I wrote, you could just copy this and change up the words.
__________________________________________________

First of all, sorry that this is so long, it's just really important to me.

I know that you know me as “[Birth Name]” from the attendance list for [class]. I’m writing you this email so that I can let you know before the next semester starts that I’d rather you not call me that anymore. I’d rather you call me [Name]. You see, I’m transgender, and [I say that Em is short for Emerson but you can say what you want.]

[I’m not exactly transgender as in FtM, or female-to-male transsexual .I’m transgender as in FtA, or female-to-androgyne. That basically means that I’m completely androgynous, and that I don’t wish to identify with either gender, because the gender I identify with is technically in-between male and female.] *or you can just explain what transgender means*

And yes, this does mean that I go by different pronouns than most people would think. This part isn’t the part that I’m pushing most, since it just confuses people. But it would help a lot with the dysphoria if you at least tried. And trying is good enough. Basically, my preferred pronouns are gender-neutral. To be specific, I prefer xe. And this is how it’s used: Xe laughed. I called xyr. Xyr eyes are blue. That is xyrs. Xe likes xyrself. [Pronounced zee, zer, zers] It’s pretty simple, once you get the hang of it. But if it’s too confusing, I’m fine with male pronouns.

But all you really have to do is at least try to call me Em, and try to use gender-neutral pronouns, or use male pronouns. Being called by my birth name all the time doesn’t help with the dysphoria at all. It’s okay if you slip up or anything, people do that a lot. But it would mean a lot if you at least tried.

Oh, and if you don’t know what dysphoria is in reference to this, since most people don’t, it means a strong disconnection from yourself because your mind feels one way but your body is another. It’s one of the worst feelings in the spectrum of human emotions.

If you want more information on androgynes, here’s a link: http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Androgyne

And more about the gender-neutral pronouns:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender-neutral_pronoun#Modern_solutions

Thank you so much for your understanding. :) 

See you in class!

So basically when you email your teachers about this, you just have to tell them that you go by a certain name and tell them to use certain pronouns. If you’d like you could include links, like I did. I was the first transgender student to come out in my high school, so I had a lot to explain. I also had a lot to explain since I’m FtA, not FtM, which is what most people know about.

Also make a point to see the teachers before class starts, such as the morning before school starts, or the passing time right before their class.

And do not forget to double check what their email is. I spelled my culinary teacher’s email wrong and she never got it. I also hadn’t checked with her, so she called out my birth name and I wanted to hide under the desk.

Good luck with your coming out guys!

Love, Emerson <3

The Dictionary

A whole bunch of queer related terms and their definitions, centering on transgender terms. Let me know if you want a term added and I will! :)

Admirer (ID) - A term to describe someone who is not necessarily transgender, who is sexually attracted to transgender people. Also known as Transfan, and Transamorous.

Agender (ID) - Having no gender.

Ally (ID) - Someone who is supportive of the community, but not necessarily part of it.

Androgen blockers (noun) - Drugs that prevent the effects of testosterone on the body; also called anti-androgens.

Androgyn (ID) - someone who may identify as beyond gender, between genders, moving across genders, entirely genderless, or any or all of these, portraying a variety of male, female, and other characteristics.

Aromantic (ID) - Not being romantically attracted to any gender.

Asexual (ID)- Not being sexually attracted to any gender.

Autogynephilia (noun)- A controversial theory that the reason for male-to-female transsexuals to modify their bodies is because of the sexual thrill they get from having their bodies feminized.

Beard Cover (noun) - Makeup designed to minimize or eliminate the appearance of a beard shadow.

Being Read (verb) - Not passing, or when someone realizes that a person is cross-dressed and not actually a member of the gender they attempting to present their self as being. Also called “Getting Clocked” and "Getting Read".

Bigender (ID) - Being two genders, either at the same time, or switching.

Binary (adjective) - One or the other. (male or female, straight or gay, black or white)

Binary Gender System (noun) - The false idea that there are only two genders, male and female, and only two ways to express gender, as masculine or feminine.

Binary genders (noun) - Male or female.

Bisexual (ID) - Someone who is attracted to both male-identified people and female-identified people.

Boi (ID) - Intentional misspelling of the word "boy". Usually used to describe a female-to-male transgender person or masculine female.

Bottom Surgery (noun) - Surgery that is "below the waist", to either create a vagina (for a male-to-female transsexual) or a penis and testicles (for a female-to-male transsexual).

Brain Sex (noun) - Based on the evidence that there are distinct differences in certain structures of the human brain between males and females, a human brain can be said to have a physical `sex.' It is theorized that male-to-female transsexuals have a “female brain sex” although they were born with male genitalia.

Butch (ID) - Usually used in the lesbian and gay communities to identify masculine females or occasionally masculine gay men.

Cisgender (ID) - (cis) Someone whose gender does actually match their assigned birth sex.

Cross Dressing (verb) - The act of wearing the clothing of the opposite sex just because they are of the opposite sex.

Demisexual (ID) - Not sexually attracted to anyone until a strong emotional and romantic bond is formed.

Drab (adjective) - DRessed As a Boy.

Drag (adjective) - DRessed As a Girl.

Drag (verb) - Dressing as either the opposite gender, or an exaggeration of your own gender, usually for the sake of performance.

Drag King (noun) - someone who is dressing and performing to the extreme of masculinity usually for the sake of performance.

Drag Queen (noun) - someone who is dressing and performing to the extreme of femininity usually for the sake of performance.

DSM (noun) - Abbreviation for the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" published by the American Psychiatric Association. It currently lists transsexuality (gender identity disorder), cross-dressing (transvestic fetishism), and BDSM (sado-masochism) as mental illnesses. It removed homosexuality from its list in 1973.

En femme (verb) - Presenting oneself as a woman.

Endocrinologist (noun) - Often abbreviated as "Endo", a medical doctor specializing in the functions and diseases of the Endocrine System. People who undertake hormone therapy should do so under the supervision and guidance of an Endocrinologist or with an Medical Doctor who will consult with one.

Estrogen (noun) - The generic name for one of the main groups of sex hormones found in high levels in genetic women and relatively low levels in genetic men.

FAAB (ID) - Female Assigned At Birth.

Facial Feminization Surgery (noun) - Surgery to change one’s face so that they appear more like a woman.

FTA (ID) - Female-to-androgyn transgender/sexual.

FTM (ID) - Female-to-male transgender/sexual.

Full-time (verb) - Living 24 hours a day and seven days a week in one's chosen gender.

Gaff (noun) - A garment used to conceal a genetic male's penis so that no “bulge” is visible.

Gay (ID) - Someone of the male gender who feels romantically and/or sexually attracted to other members of the male gender. Also, someone who is attracted romantically and/or sexually to members of the same gender.

Gender (noun) - What is "between your ears", what you feel you are.

Gender Confirmation Surgery (noun) - (GCS) Sexual reassignment surgery

Gender Cues (noun) - What human beings use to attempt to tell the gender/sex of another person. These cues may include such things as hairstyle, body shape, facial hair, and vocal inflection.

Gender Discomfort (noun) - Similar to gender dysphoria although less severe, where the person does not feel right about living in a particular gender role.

Gender Dysphoria (noun) - When a person feels a disconnection to their body because they do not feel it matches their gender.

Gender Euphoria (noun) - Feeling positive about one's cross-gender activities. The term arises in the transgender community as a pun playing on the psychological term "gender dysphoria".

Gender Expression (verb) - The act of presenting as a specific (or unspecific) gender.

Gender Identity (noun) - The gender that one perceives oneself to be.

Gender Identity Disorder (GID) (noun) - Many healthcare professionals believe that when one is uncomfortable with one's birth gender, then one is experiencing a disorder, or dysphoria.

Gender non-conforming (ID) - Not following the "rules" of genders and sexes.

Gender/Sex Reassignment Therapy/Surgery (GRT/SRS) (noun) - The act of making physical changes to he body to better match the gender.

Gender-bender (ID) - one who deliberately mixes components from both binary genders. Someone who intentionally blurs the line between masculine and feminine.

Genderfluid (ID) - Moving fluidly throughout the gender spectrum.

Genderqueer (ID) - An umbrella term that covers everything from transgender to gender non-conforming.

GNPs (noun) - Gender-neutral pronouns. (they, xe, ze, hir, etc)

Gurl (ID) - An intentional misspelling of "girl", often used to signify a MTF transgendered person.

Harry Benjamin (person) - Harry Benjamin (January 12, 1885 – August 24, 1986) was a German-born sexologist who, in 1954 introduced the term transsexualism and was a pioneer in the field of treating transsexuals. In 1979 the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association was formed, using Benjamin's name by permission.

Harry Benjamin Standards of Care (noun) - A good intentioned but some controversial what set of rules dictating what is considered to be the appropriate way to treat transsexuals.

Hermaphrodite (noun) - A person born with full or partial reproductive organs of both sexes. Hermaphrodites come in a range of conditions. The "true hermaphrodite" where the person has the complete genitals of both sexes is *extremely* rare. What is more common is one testicle and one ovary, where neither is completely developed and fully functional. This is called a "psuedo hermaphrodite." See Intersexed. Some people find this term degrading.

Homophobia (noun) - Fear or hatred of lesbians and gay men and sometimes, by extension, of bisexuals and the transgendered.

Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) (noun)  - Putting the "right" hormones into the body to make the body better match the gender.

Intersexed (ID) - Persons born with the full or partial sex organs of both a male and female, or with underdeveloped or ambiguous sex organs. About 4-5% of all births are intersex to some degree. This word replaces the politically incorrect hermaphrodite.

Lesbian (ID) - Someone of the female gender who feels romantically and/or sexually attracted to other members of the female gender.

LGBTQIAAQAPP(etc) (noun) - The long list for the queer community; lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, ally, asexual, questioning, aromantic, pansexual, pomosexual…….

MAAB (ID) - Male Assigned At Birth.

MTA (ID) - Male-to-androgyn transgender/sexual

MTF (ID) - Male-to-female transgender/sexual.

Non-gendered (ID) - Also known as Agender.

Non-operative (Non-op) (ID) - Does not plan on getting surgery.

Open (adjective) - Proud of the identity and happy to talk about it and answer questions.

Orchiectomy (noun) - Also known as castration, which is the removal of the testes. Some transsexuals have an Orchiectomy when prior to SRS to stop the production of testosterone so that they can take lower doses of female hormones and achieve better results while also eliminating the need to take antiandrogens.

Out (adjective) - No longer denying the identity.

Outing (verb) - The involuntary disclosure of one’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or intersex status.

Pangender (ID) - identifying as mixed gender (both male and female) or as a third gendered.

Panromantic (ID) - Being romantically attracted to all genders

Pansexual (ID) - Sexually attracted to all genders.

Pass (verb) - being regarded as a member of the sex with which they physically present.

PGPs (noun) - Preferred Gender Pronouns, what someone prefers to be referred to as. (He/she/they/xe/ze/hir/etc)

Pomosexual (ID) - The place between gay and bisexual.

Post-operative (Post-op) (adjective) - Has already gotten surgery.

Pre-operative (Pre-op) (adjective) - Planning to get surgery, have not yet had it.

Presentation (noun) - The totality of one's appearance when dressing, including voice, behavior, appropriateness of clothing for the situation, etc.

Purge (verb) - To purge is to get rid of all cross-gender related items such as clothing and makeup in an effort to giving up cross-dressing and the cross-gender identity in an attempt to "cure" their transgenderism. Repeated purging is sometimes an indicator that a person is suffering from a cyclic depression disorder and/or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

Queer (ID) - Sometimes a derogatory term, depending on the situation. In my project, this is an umbrella term encompassing all of the LGBTQIAAQAPP(etc) community. Sometimes though, it also represents someone who does not follow the "norms" (See Genderqueer, etc)

Questioning (ID) - Someone who is not sure of their sexual orientation and/or gender at the moment.

Real Life Experience (noun) - Often abbreviated as RLE, refers to the requirement listed in the Standards of Care that a transsexual seeking genital surgery must live full-time in their desired gender role for a time period before the surgery will be approved. If done properly, this will give the person a reasonable idea about whether they can "make it" (or not) living in their preferred gender.

Sex (noun) - "Between your legs". What your anatomy says you are.

Sex change (noun) - Slang for sexual reassignment surgery

Sexual orientation (noun) - Who you are attracted to, including both sexually and romantically. (Don't say "sexual preference" as that implies a choice.)

Stealth (adjective or verb) - refers to a person who passes as their desired gender at all times.

Testosterone (noun) - The hormone that is essential for sperm production and the development of male characteristics, including muscle mass and strength, fat distribution, bone mass, facial hair growth, voice change and sex drive.

The Closet (noun) - If you're in here, you're hidden or in denial.

Top Surgery (noun) - Surgery on the breasts. For male-to-female transgendered people, this is breast augmentation surgery. For female-to-male transgendered people, this is breast removal surgery.

Tracheal Shave (noun) - A surgical procedure, also known as Chondrolaryngoplasty, in which a person's Adam's apple is reduced to help achieve a more passable feminine appearance.

Trans Man (ID) - FTM.

Trans Woman (ID) - MTF

Trans* (ID) - An abbreviation that also uses the (*) to cover transsexual/gender/masculine/feminine/etc

Transfeminine (ID) - not quite MTF but someone who is born male and is feminine leaning in terms of presentation, pronouns, and identification.

Transgender (ID) - A person's gender does not match up with his/her/hir/xyr/their/etc birth sex.

Transgenderist (ID) - A single-word term for "transgendered person"

Transition (noun) - (Gender transition) The process of a transgender person matching their sex up to their gender.

Transmasculine (ID) - Not quite FTM but someone who is born female and is masculine leaning in terms of presentation, pronouns, and identification.

Transphobia (noun) - Fear or hatred of transgender, and of transgender people.

Transsexual (ID) - people identify as, or desire to live and be accepted as, a member of the sex opposite to that assigned at birth.

Trigender (ID) - Being three genders, either at the same time, or switching.

Tuck (verb) - To position one's penis and testicles, often held in place by tape or a gaff, so that it appears as if the person does not have male genitals.

Two Spirit (ID) - A Native American/First Nation term for people who blend the masculine and the feminine.

Underdressing (verb) - Wearing undergarments or intimate apparel normally associated with the opposite sex under one's own usual apparel. For some men, this is as far as they want to go and they don't feel any need to go further. For some, the thought of meeting clients or peers while secretly wearing feminine items underneath, unknown to anyone but themselves, is especially exciting to them, but they otherwise may not feel any emotions or feelings of being feminine inside. Other individuals underdress as a way of reinforcing some sense of femininity.

Virginia Prince (person) - The "mother of the modern transgenderism." Virginia Prince played in important role in educating the medical profession, the transgendered community itself, and the rest of the world on trangenderism. Her writings date back to the 1957. She established one of the first support groups for the transgendered and was instrumental in getting cross-dressing decriminalized. She also helped to put forth the notion that not all transvestite's are gay or bisexual. Was the first known crossdresser to appear on television, and coined several terms that are in use today.