29 April 2012

Coming out as transgender in high school

High school is hard enough. Add being transgender to the mix, it's automatically at least 10 times harder.
Most transgender students change schools when they come out, as a way to leave their old identities behind and "go stealth" in their new one. Depending on your situation though, you may not be able to.

When I came out in high school, I sent an email to each of my teachers before class started that semester. In this email I told them that I was transgender (gave some background info, just in case) and that they had to call me Emerson and use the gender-neutral pronouns or male pronouns. After this, I saw each teacher personally during the passing time right before class actually started and asked them if they read my email. The second semester though, I forgot to do this, and I had spelled my culinary teacher's email wrong. I came into class assuming she had gotten and read the email and understood, but when she called out my birth name I wanted to hide under the table. So when you email them, make sure you spell it right.
EDIT: If you want to see my email that I sent, here it is: http://lifebeyondthebinaries.blogspot.com/2012/05/coming-out-transgender-to-your-teachers.html

I also recommend changing your name and gender on all the social media sites you belong to, such as facebook. Maybe you should make a little coming-out post, too, for good measure.

Once your teachers are on board and your social media sites are updated, the students will start catching on. However, they may not understand the reason for your new name. Be prepared to answer questions.

Also know that high schoolers are usually immature and don't even bother understanding some things. Algebra and biology are two examples of this. Their questions may come off as rude, even if they don't mean them to be. Some students may even take your coming out as a new opportunity to tease, torment and bully you.

There are a few comebacks you could use, but you need to speak to the principal or someone else in charge if things get really bad. Do this if you start dreading certain classes or if you start dreading the presence of certain individuals (teachers included).
If the taunts are insults, you can't give them an insult back because it would be stooping to their level. Instead, simply hold your head high and give them a smart comment back. For example, if they call you a "faggot", look at them and say that you are not a bundle of sticks, therefore you are not a faggot. If what they say is meant to be insulting but isn't, just tell them they're right and smile. For example, if they call you a "tranny", smile and agree. After all, they're just affirming your identity, even if it is in a rude way. After a while of you doing this, they'll get tired of taunting you.
EDIT: If you want to see a list of possible comebacks, go here: http://lifebeyondthebinaries.blogspot.com/2012/04/clever-comebacks.html

Now if teachers start treating you unfairly, then you have an issue. That's when you go to the administration. However, if they're the root of the problem or if they don't help, you need to talk to someone else, in an even higher position. Talk to your parents. They could get you to speak to someone else, or they could help you transfer schools after all (although I don't recommend it. However, you need to stay safe, so use your own judgement).

You have a right to be happy and safe in school, so do not brush anything off.

No matter what happens, however, stay confident and keep your head held high. Also, give things time. People won't all catch on overnight.
I also recommend doing all this over the summer, so that the new school year is a fresh start for you.

Good luck!
Love, Emerson <3

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