Coming out Transgender to Your Teachers

Some of you may have a hard time coming up with what to say in your email to the teachers when you come out in high school. Here’s what I wrote, you could just copy this and change up the words.
__________________________________________________

First of all, sorry that this is so long, it's just really important to me.

I know that you know me as “[Birth Name]” from the attendance list for [class]. I’m writing you this email so that I can let you know before the next semester starts that I’d rather you not call me that anymore. I’d rather you call me [Name]. You see, I’m transgender, and [I say that Em is short for Emerson but you can say what you want.]

[I’m not exactly transgender as in FtM, or female-to-male transsexual .I’m transgender as in FtA, or female-to-androgyne. That basically means that I’m completely androgynous, and that I don’t wish to identify with either gender, because the gender I identify with is technically in-between male and female.] *or you can just explain what transgender means*

And yes, this does mean that I go by different pronouns than most people would think. This part isn’t the part that I’m pushing most, since it just confuses people. But it would help a lot with the dysphoria if you at least tried. And trying is good enough. Basically, my preferred pronouns are gender-neutral. To be specific, I prefer xe. And this is how it’s used: Xe laughed. I called xyr. Xyr eyes are blue. That is xyrs. Xe likes xyrself. [Pronounced zee, zer, zers] It’s pretty simple, once you get the hang of it. But if it’s too confusing, I’m fine with male pronouns.

But all you really have to do is at least try to call me Em, and try to use gender-neutral pronouns, or use male pronouns. Being called by my birth name all the time doesn’t help with the dysphoria at all. It’s okay if you slip up or anything, people do that a lot. But it would mean a lot if you at least tried.

Oh, and if you don’t know what dysphoria is in reference to this, since most people don’t, it means a strong disconnection from yourself because your mind feels one way but your body is another. It’s one of the worst feelings in the spectrum of human emotions.

If you want more information on androgynes, here’s a link: http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Androgyne

And more about the gender-neutral pronouns:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender-neutral_pronoun#Modern_solutions

Thank you so much for your understanding. :) 

See you in class!

So basically when you email your teachers about this, you just have to tell them that you go by a certain name and tell them to use certain pronouns. If you’d like you could include links, like I did. I was the first transgender student to come out in my high school, so I had a lot to explain. I also had a lot to explain since I’m FtA, not FtM, which is what most people know about.

Also make a point to see the teachers before class starts, such as the morning before school starts, or the passing time right before their class.

And do not forget to double check what their email is. I spelled my culinary teacher’s email wrong and she never got it. I also hadn’t checked with her, so she called out my birth name and I wanted to hide under the desk.

Good luck with your coming out guys!

Love, Emerson <3

Things to do Besides Self Harm

We all have our down days. I've been addicted to self-harm before and have mostly recovered. If I'd had this list before I started hurting myself I think it would have helped. Feel free to add to this list.

Things to Do Besides Self Harm

-          Dance

-          Read

-          Write

-          Draw

-          Paint (splatter paint especially)

-          Take a nap

-      Eat ice cream

-          Clean your room

-          Clean your closet (and then come out of it grandly)

-          Lift weights

-          Go for a jog

-          Play dress-up with clothes you never wear

-          Go shopping

-          Do curl-ups or push-ups until you can’t move

-          Call a friend

-          Go on tumblr

-          Watch youtube videos of kittens

-          Make kandi bracelets or other jewelry

-          Sculpt something with clay or play dough

-          Do your hair

-          Paint your face

-          Look at pictures of your favorite celebrity

-          Download new music

-          Play a harmless prank on a sibling or parent or roommate

-          Weed your garden (if you pull it up by the roots it’s like beheading someone with the spine still intact)

-          Sing

-          Paint your nails

-          Crochet or knit something

-          Google inspiring quotes. Write your favorite ones down.

-          Make a new poster for your room

-          Do your homework (sorry, had to put this on here, my mother reads this)

-          Do extra credit work (same for this too)

-          Read ahead in your textbooks

-          Research and write an essay on an interesting topic (why not, you never get this in school)

-          Write a parody of a song

-          Re-arrange your room

-          Make tinfoil jewelry

-          Play online games

-          Play solitaire

-          Play a shooting videogame

-          Watch DONG (Do Online Now Guys) on youtube until you find something to do

-          Learn a new form of art

-          Figure out new ways to wear old clothes

-          Role-play

-          Play with your pets

-          Hug yourself for a full minute

-          Research Buddhism

-          Meditate or do yoga

-          Photoshop random stuff

-          Make a sock puppet

-          Make all the clocks in your house say the same time

-          Bake a pie or cookies or brownies

-          Clean out your computer files

-          Make a list of things to do besides self-harm (and do them)

Clever Comebacks

We’ve all been insulted at one point or another. We’ve all been bullied. However, no one has to take that. We could all just stand up and speak our minds and stick it to ‘em.

Never insult someone right back, that’s stooping to their level. Instead, have a clever comeback to throw at them. Here is a little list of common insults we hear and some things you could say instead.

Insult	Comeback
Faggot	I am not a bundle of sticks; therefore I cannot be a faggot, now can I?
Fag	I am not a cigarette; therefore I cannot be a fag now can I?
Dyke	Do you see me standing at the mouth of a lake holding water back? No? Okay I’m not a dyke then.
Tranny	Yes! I am! (smile)
He-she	How do you know? Have you seen my genitals? Don’t talk about what you don’t understand.
Can I see your [genitelia]?	Can I see yours first?
What does your [genitelia] look like?	Why don’t you show me yours first and I’ll critique it and then NOT show you mine.
You’re in the wrong bathroom.	How do you know? /  how do you know you’re not in the wrong bathroom, yourself?

*Use your judgment!!! If it is not safe to use a comeback like these, DON’T. If you feel unsafe, get the heck outta there because we do NOT want you getting hurt. Follow your intuition. If you have a gut feeling that you should keep your mouth shut and run, DO THAT.*

Other things you can do are to flip their way of thinking around. If someone asks you “hey when did you know you were transgender?” (in a rude way), ask them right back, “when did you realize you were cisgender?” (but if they are genuinely curious and are not rude go ahead and answer them).

Remember that not everyone is transphobic. Some may simply be curious and happened to ask the wrong way and come off as rude.

Just a short one this time guys, more to come that I just haven’t typed out yet.

Love, Emerson <3

Coming out as transgender in high school

High school is hard enough. Add being transgender to the mix, it's automatically at least 10 times harder.
Most transgender students change schools when they come out, as a way to leave their old identities behind and "go stealth" in their new one. Depending on your situation though, you may not be able to.

When I came out in high school, I sent an email to each of my teachers before class started that semester. In this email I told them that I was transgender (gave some background info, just in case) and that they had to call me Emerson and use the gender-neutral pronouns or male pronouns. After this, I saw each teacher personally during the passing time right before class actually started and asked them if they read my email. The second semester though, I forgot to do this, and I had spelled my culinary teacher's email wrong. I came into class assuming she had gotten and read the email and understood, but when she called out my birth name I wanted to hide under the table. So when you email them, make sure you spell it right.
EDIT: If you want to see my email that I sent, here it is: http://lifebeyondthebinaries.blogspot.com/2012/05/coming-out-transgender-to-your-teachers.html

I also recommend changing your name and gender on all the social media sites you belong to, such as facebook. Maybe you should make a little coming-out post, too, for good measure.

Once your teachers are on board and your social media sites are updated, the students will start catching on. However, they may not understand the reason for your new name. Be prepared to answer questions.

Also know that high schoolers are usually immature and don't even bother understanding some things. Algebra and biology are two examples of this. Their questions may come off as rude, even if they don't mean them to be. Some students may even take your coming out as a new opportunity to tease, torment and bully you.

There are a few comebacks you could use, but you need to speak to the principal or someone else in charge if things get really bad. Do this if you start dreading certain classes or if you start dreading the presence of certain individuals (teachers included).
If the taunts are insults, you can't give them an insult back because it would be stooping to their level. Instead, simply hold your head high and give them a smart comment back. For example, if they call you a "faggot", look at them and say that you are not a bundle of sticks, therefore you are not a faggot. If what they say is meant to be insulting but isn't, just tell them they're right and smile. For example, if they call you a "tranny", smile and agree. After all, they're just affirming your identity, even if it is in a rude way. After a while of you doing this, they'll get tired of taunting you.
EDIT: If you want to see a list of possible comebacks, go here: http://lifebeyondthebinaries.blogspot.com/2012/04/clever-comebacks.html

Now if teachers start treating you unfairly, then you have an issue. That's when you go to the administration. However, if they're the root of the problem or if they don't help, you need to talk to someone else, in an even higher position. Talk to your parents. They could get you to speak to someone else, or they could help you transfer schools after all (although I don't recommend it. However, you need to stay safe, so use your own judgement).

You have a right to be happy and safe in school, so do not brush anything off.

No matter what happens, however, stay confident and keep your head held high. Also, give things time. People won't all catch on overnight.
I also recommend doing all this over the summer, so that the new school year is a fresh start for you.

Good luck!
Love, Emerson <3